User blog:GravityMan/MBOHS 3: Mowgli vs Tarzan
Heya dudes, welcome to the third episode of Mythical Battles of Historical Shit! This was originally supposed to be Samson vs Hercules but I was on a road trip and all I had was a book on Tarzan. :P This idea was suggested to me by Stoff. I also guest wrote in a battle recently, Andrew Jackson vs Richard the Lionheart. Check it out! Locations Mowgli is by the watering hole, a clearing in the jungle behind him with a village in the background. Tarzan is by a waterfall, in a more light-filled jungle. Beat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCHXfNuTXs8 Starts at 0:46, play at 1.5 speed People Colors Tarzan is this color Mowgli is this color Jane is this color Baloo is this color Kaa is this color Jane Goodall is this color Lyrics MOWGLI: ' Yo straight from the Rukh, the kook of the Jungle Book is here to rap! You better watch your Silverback or I’ll set fire to your (Hiss!) My tales led to some of the greatest myths to ever exist! So how can you rip off me and still be shit? (Little Britches!) Viscount! You’re a discount version of Mowgli! You took bite outta my style, but I know ya like raw meat! Uh, Jane gave you one Greystroke and you left your balls behind! Along with your family, without you they all died! And on the topic of your tribe, they killed your daddy dude! You can’t wash off your blood! Tell him Baloo: It’s true! Shoo-be-dee-doo! Ooo! You won’t last fifty one seconds in the hood you know why? Cause to them, it seems Africa’s most celebrated hero is white! '''TARZAN: ' Me Tarzan! Great noble savage, king of Jungle! You: Frog. Frog look like malnourished Ted Logan working in sweatshop Me Tarzan raise by strong Great Apes, no kiddin’ Where Frog family? Me see only pack of bitches Tarzan got battle locked up like Bagheera as cub You look like a hairless Curious George, what! Me bruise Baloo, pop that fat crossdresser like balloon Even Tarzan main man Diddy Kong could smash Frog crew! Tarzan butcher boy worse than Tarzan butcher English Strong Tarzan just hang, just like penis (Oh fuck) 'MOWGLI: ' You think getting produced by Disney can hide your racist flaws? You’re even bigger of a mistake than the adaptation of Kaa! You swing in the day, I’ll slit your throat in the night, If you weren’t stalked by Jane Goodall! MAKE ME YOUR WIFE *Jane Goodall lunges at Jane and wrestles with her as the verse continues* Yikes I spit sicker than the AIDS that wreck your kingdom! I get ill when our two worlds clash, call it Mowgli Syndrome 'TARZAN: ' Frog crying led tiger to parents, Tarzan blame it Frog new parents only chose you because replacement Today Tarzan still prime hunk, today Frog would be in Japanese porn Go back to cave and do what Frog do best, remove these thorns Frog licked by wolf cubs everyday, so he used to me, Killing Frog ass worse than book by Antinori Tarzan should fight Enkidu but instead he fight’n Kid, you In movie Frog bed Messua but she Frog mom, fool. (Ew.) '''WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE MYTHICAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaAAAAAL ' ' Hint for Next Battle Poll Who Won? Mowgli Tarzan Category:Blog posts